Darwin Awards

[TheHellHunter]

Crap forgot to quote >.>

[TheHellHunter]

Real or not, this is my fav of all time..........................

Accident Report

This one needs an introduction, so you won't be lost at the beginning. This man was in an accident at work, so he filled out an insurance claim. The insurance company contacted him and asked for more information. This was his response:

"I am writing in response to your request for additional information, for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient. I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80-foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now unneeded tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using the pulley attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower. Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 300 pounds of tools."

"You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh only 155 pounds. Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate of speed up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold onto the rope in spite of my pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of tools hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel."

"Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed approximately 20 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, and the lacerations of my legs and lower body. The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of tools and, fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the tools, in pain, unable to stand and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind. I let go of the rope..."

Probably a spinoff of the Myth the mythbusters tested in the following:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ry0prEzc-bU

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(3 June 2006, Florida) Two more candidates have thrown themselves into the running for a Darwin Award. The feet of Jason and Sara, both 21, were found protruding from a deflated, huge helium advertising balloon. Jason was a college student, and Sara attended community college, but apparently their education had glossed over the importance of oxygen.
When one breathes helium, the lack of oxygen in the bloodstream causes a rapid loss of consciousness. Some euthanasia experts advocate the use of helium to painlessly end one's life.
The pair pulled down the 8' balloon, and climbed inside. Their last words consisted of high-pitched, incoherent giggling as they slowly passed out and passed into the hereafter.
Sheriff's deputies said the two were not victims of foul play. No drugs or alcohol were found. The medical examiner reported that helium inhalation was a significant factor in their deaths. A family member said "Sara was mischievous, to be honest. She liked fun and it cost her."

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potential winner

[TheHellHunter]

I'd give him the "I've got more balls than you" award tbh.

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Man drowns trying to retrieve girlfriend’s water bottle

Michael Hilling and Jessica Woytonik were at the lakefront celebrating their first anniversary as fireworks went off at midnight at nearby Navy Pier on New Year’s Eve.

Hilling, 19, tried to retrieve a water bottle his girlfriend dropped into Lake Michigan — but ended up drowning.

“We were there to celebrate,’’ an emotional Jessica Woytonik said by phone Saturday morning from Northwestern Memorial Hospital, where Hilling was pronounced dead. “It was our anniversary at midnight.’’

Hilling, of Upper Peninsula, Michigan was visiting Woytonik, who is studying fine art at Columbia College.

They met in third grade and grew up together in Michigan, but didn’t start dating until last Dec. 31.

They went to Buckingham Fountain. At some point, Woytonik told police, they were sitting on the edge of an embankment when her water bottle dropped in the water, a police report states. Hilling jumped into the water to try and retrieve the bottle but began struggling, the report states.

“I tried to make it to him but he was 20 feet away from shore and his head went under water,’’ Woytonik said.

Hilling’s body was recovered by a fire department scuba team after it was in the water for 30 minutes, police said. Hilling was taken to Northwestern in critical condition.

Hilling’s mother. Debra Jean Hilling, expressed disbelief Saturday that her son, who “could only dog-paddle,” jumped into the lake.

“It’s bizarre. I don’t even understand it,” she said. “The boy couldn’t swim, so I don’t understand why he’s going out into the open water in the middle of December to retrieve a water bottle.”

Hilling described her son as a “handy kid” who was good with computers, had a great sense of humor and worked as a cook at a tavern in Rock, Mich.

She said Michael had intended to move to Chicago to attend Columbia College, like Woytonik. Woytonik now plans to move back to Michigan.

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