Diary of a pom in western australia

Posting this little story I found cuz its soooo foking funny and knowing everything he wrote is true, it makes even more funny. Its Summer here now, and this is what life is like in The Great State Of Western Australia!!

And for those that don't know, a Pom is what we Aussies call a person from England/ Uk.

DIARY OF A POM IN WESTERN AUSTRALIA..

August 31
Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in Karratha , Western Australia .
Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.
I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday.
It was beautiful.
I've finally found my new home.
I love it here.

September 13
Really heating up now.
It got to 31 today.
No problem though.
Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this.
I'm turning into a sun-worshiper - no blasted rain like back in Leeds!!

September 30
Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today.
Lots of palms and rocks.
No more mowing lawns for me!
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
It's Paradise !

October 10
The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat?
At least today it's windy though.
Keeps the flies off a bit.
Acclimatizing is taking longer than we expected.

October 15
Fell asleep by the pool yesterday.
Got third degree burns over 60% of my body.
Missed three days off work.
What a dumb thing to do..
Got to respect the old sun in a climate like this!

October 20
- Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I left for work this morning.
By the time I got back to the car after work, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery.
The car now smells like Whiskettes (Cat food) and cat sh1t.
I've learned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat.

October 25
- This wind is a bastard.
It feels like a giant f@#king blow dryer.
And it's hot as hell!
The home air conditioner is on the blink and the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order parts from f@#king Perth .....The wife & the kids are complaining.

October 30
- The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't arrived for the f@#king air conditioner.
House is an oven so we've all been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now.
Bloody $600,000 house and we can't even go inside.
Why the hell did I ever come here?

November 4
Finally got the f@#ing air-conditioner fixed. It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it feel about 35.
Stupid repairman.
f@#king thief.

November 8
- If one more smart bastard says 'Hot enough for you today?'
I'm going to f@#king throttle him.
F@#king heat!
By the time I get to work, the car radiator is boiling over, my f@#king clothes are soaking f@#king wet and I smell like baked cat.
F@#king place is the end of the Earth.

November 9
- Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on the black leather upholstery in my car.
I thought my f@#king arse was on fire.
I lost 2 layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and off my f@#king arse.
Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat.
f@#k, F@#k. F@#k.

November 10
-- The Weather report might as well be a f@#king recording..
Hot and sunny.
Hot and sunny, Hot and f@#king sunny.
It never f@#king changes!
It's been too hot to do anything for 2 f@#king months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.
F@#k!

November 15
- Doesn't it ever rain in this damn f@#king place?
Water restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and blow into the f@#king pool.
The only things that thrive in this f@#king hell-hole are the f@#king flies.
You don't dare open your mouth for fear of swallowing half a dozen of the little bastards!

November 20
- Welcome to HELL!
It got to 45 f@#kin' degrees today.
Now the air conditioner gone in my car.
The repair man came to fix it and said, 'Hot enough for you today?'
I wanted to shove the f@#king car up his f@#king arse.
Anyway, had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid prick.
F@#king Karratha!
What kind of sick, demented f@#king idiot would want to live here!

December 1
- WHAT!!!! The FIRST day of Summer!!!!
You are f@#king kidding me!

And no mention that every other living thing in Australia is trying to eat you.

Never understood why you Aussies call US the poms when it was what you convicts were originally called :p

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Neophyte28

And no mention that every other living thing in Australia is trying to eat you.

Never understood why you Aussies call US the poms when it was what you convicts were originally called :p

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haha yea I know. Its a funny one isn't it and many different theory's, But well its just stuck over the years and prolly will continue to do so haha.

And hey, I aint no convict lol. My Grandmother was shipped over here back in the day but that was for other reasons lol ;p

30 degrees is hot enough for me, I'd go crazy like the Karratha Pom, living in that kind of heat.
I tried to find a diary of an Australian transferred to work in the UK, without success I may add.
I guess most pub bar staff probably don't write diaries...........

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mctwattybollox

I tried to find a diary of an Australian transferred to work in the UK, without success I may add.
I guess most pub bar staff probably don't write diaries...........

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Ahaha quality!

Meanwhile in Australia...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SPjy5RlqFE

It got to 44 today. I had to leave work. I couldn't hack it. It was unbearable :(

You should show us your tan lines Sheila... or lack of ;)

I work out side everyday in this heat. I got asked the other day by a taxi driver if I was a kiwi cuz of how brown my skin is turning lol

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Neophyte28

You should show us your tan lines Sheila... or lack of ;)

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Double post, but it you only knew how much I hate the word "Sheila" lol

Oh rack off you dag!

pomy git! ;p

Strewth Sheila, you've got a few roos loose in the top paddock. Get some amber down you this arvo and have a bonzer time.

Fair dinkum though, Australia isn't doing bad for itself all things considered. I'd rather "get into bed" with the Aussies than the Americans any day of the week.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Neophyte28

Strewth Sheila, you've got a few roos loose in the top paddock. Get some amber down you this arvo and have a bonzer time.

Fair dinkum though, Australia isn't doing bad for itself all things considered. I'd rather "get into bed" with the Aussies than the Americans any day of the week.

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lol! We dont talk like that. Well only Alf Stewart from Home and Away (TV show) talks like that!! And ofc we are better than the Americans lol

This vid shows a few words that we say. Cant seem to find a decent one with REAL Aussie slang lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNWUK-rQiWw

http://www.unipin.co.id/events/read/id/437

Ok its official, I no longer wish to live in Australia any more. Ive lived here my whole life and Ive never seen a Red Back spider this huge. WTF!?!?!!? (Altho I did find one in my front garden the other day and thought it was pretty huge, but after seeing this sucker, the one I saw was baby sized lol) And for this foker to take on one of the most venomous snakes in the world, hes got some balls lol

This vid is making the rounds here and I thought Id share it. Its nothing to special, but just the fact that these two are considered 2 of the worlds most deadliest creatures just roaming around in our back yards just shows how frighting it can really be living here lol

Red Back vs Eastern Brown Snake

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWupshGjETc

Yeah like I said, why on earth would you want to live anywhere where everything that moves is trying to eat you?

It's not so bad here in Blighty. The ONLY animal here classified as poisonous is the Adder snake and it's rare to be bitten by one or even see one. And it's not even that poisonous.

Meanwhile in Sydney...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsEogUO7q1M

Oh don't forget to flush the toilet BEFORE you use it!

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v...280592&fref=nf

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j65i5PDUeT4

What about two spiders enjoying a snake?

lol watching these right be4 bed is not a good idea. fok dat ><

do people go camping and sleep under the stars in aussie?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by walkingdeadnyc

do people go camping and sleep under the stars in aussie?

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I wouldn't even take off my shoes if I ever set foot on Aussie ground (I won't, they don't even have decent chocolate). You know, because you'll have to put them back on at some point and by then it's probably crawling with whatever-that's-out-there.

This here is mandatory for a nights sleep:
http://www.qualitymosquitonet.com/images/gallery/5.jpg

Well, something like it anyways; a stainless steel version.

JESUS ******* **** **** ******** ******* CHRIST I found this monster at the bottom of the communal hallway the other day.

http://i.imgur.com/k0K5Kcz.jpg

Amaurobius ferox, one of the heaviest biting spiders in the UK and easily the biggest one of them that I've ever seen. Not poisonous but that motherf is going to seriously hurt.

I killed it. Then I killed it again to make sure. Then I set the place on fire to make sure there wasn't an infestation.

http://gallery.cyberguyz.org/data/50...oilet-roll.jpg

They grow em big in the outback...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by walkingdeadnyc

do people go camping and sleep under the stars in aussie?

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lol well yea some people do. But fok that. Ive been camping many times and aside from the spiders, snakes and so on, we have some pretty huge a$$ Goannas here that I have encountered in the bush. They are more scared of us, but those fokers can run dam fast and if scared or corned they can bite and give a pretty good whipping of their tails.

Also we get plagues of Mosquitoes here and in the summer months even just walking outside at night can be a nightmare.

So yea, a tent is the smarter way to go lol

Quote:

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Originally Posted by EaglePhoenix

I wouldn't even take off my shoes if I ever set foot on Aussie ground You know, because you'll have to put them back on at some point and by then it's probably crawling with whatever-that's-out-there.

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Thats one of the main things here (at least in the home ), if you leave your shoes outside, check them be4 you put them back on cause you never know whats going to be in them lol

But well, alot of the spiders and bugs here can be mostly avoided by regularly using bug spray/ surface sprays (inside and out) and keeping up with it on a month by month basis. Using the barrier sprays can be really helpful.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Neophyte28

JESUS ******* **** **** ******** ******* CHRIST I found this monster at the bottom of the communal hallway the other day.

http://i.imgur.com/k0K5Kcz.jpg

Amaurobius ferox, one of the heaviest biting spiders in the UK and easily the biggest one of them that I've ever seen. Not poisonous but that motherf is going to seriously hurt.

I killed it. Then I killed it again to make sure. Then I set the place on fire to make sure there wasn't an infestation.

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Ewww thats foked lol Id set the place on fire too! haha ;p

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BananaBandit

http://gallery.cyberguyz.org/data/50...oilet-roll.jpg

They grow em big in the outback...

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lol!

http://i61.tinypic.com/wim5ah.jpg

Quote:

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Originally Posted by xXxAurorAxXx

Also we get plagues of Mosquitoes here and in the summer months even just walking outside at night can be a nightmare.

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I hear the magpies get downright nasty in aus.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_A7Gw217EJ4#t=2

lol yea they do. Evil little fokers too. Rly have to try and avoid them in nesting season. And they tell us not to wear things on our heads like sun glasses ect cuz that will attract them even more.

We even have plants here in Aussie that are just evil. Tho its not where I live thank good but mostly in the Rain forests

. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dendrocnide_moroides Nasty thing it is ;/

Lol ye.
Seagulls can get darn nasty as well. I got attacked by a bunch past summer.. Was checking on quay for a mooring vessel so the cptn knew where to berth.. those little (ok, not so little) buggers make their nests on the ground. Them parenting Seagulls kept swooping down and making a hell of a lot noise. Not to mention they were actually targetting their crap o.O'

Luckily I was able to avoid all (-.-') but dayum did I run to my car! Fck that ship, it's got a captain for something.


/notfunny

I already have my helmet ready for coming May/June :(

Hehe, gulls (I can't call them seagulls cause I am nowhere near a sea) where i live simply you will have a whole entourage of them following you everywhere you go if you happen to have any kind of food in your hand (a box of french fries guarantee a flock of 30 following you). If you toss them a tidbit you have like 20+ gulls falling all over and dive bombing each other trying to get it. Quite amusing to watch.

What the **** is wrong with your magpies? Even the birds are trying to eat you!

They look more like our crows but then again they are all part of the corvus family. Smart, evil feckers. Gulls are the same everywhere but the worst for me is the common feral pigeon. I once sat down while eating some chips (or fries for you americanified types) and one jumped and hovered right in front of me. I punched it in the face.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Neophyte28

What the **** is wrong with your magpies? Even the birds are trying to eat you!

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That's Aus. If you can't eat it, it tries to eat you.

Yea I've had the same with the seagulls. Went for a picnic with friends on the foreshore and sure enough, we were stalked by a number of gulls. Had to run to get away from them lol Funniest sh1t ever but well, it was pretty scary ahaha

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BananaBandit

That's Aus. If you can't eat it, it tries to eat you.

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Pretty much lol